Obligatory Parent-to-Child Drug Talk

Hi Ariel,

Here is my obligatory parent to child drug speech. What should I say? The parental advice I received wasn’t much more than, “Don’t drink and drive and use a condemn.” You should have more, but what can I say that you haven’t already heard? Not sure, but I’m going to give it my best shot.

Recently, I asked several of my adult friends, all of who grew up in different areas of the country, what drug use was like in their youth; they said that they and their friends all pretty much did drugs. The same was true for me 25 years ago when I was a kid. What this means is statistically you are almost guaranteed to use drugs. Assuming or hoping that you have not used is not realistic. I don’t like the choices I made as a kid, nor do I like the choices you are likely making now, but ignoring or otherwise avoiding what is likely reality will do no good and will bring harm.

What is a drug? Beer, heroin, coffee, cigarettes, prescription drugs, over-the-counter medicine, and solvents (huffing) are all drugs. Drugs are drugs. Some have more of an impact mentally or physically, but they are all drugs. For the purpose of this Hub a drug is a mind-altering substance.

(Did you know that caffeine was on the table when decisions were being made as to what drugs should be banned? At one time, all drugs were legal. Ahhh, the good ol’ days.)

Marijuana seems to be viewed as either a completely benign drug or as a horrible drug that justifies locking people up for years or decades at a time. Really, it is more benign than malignant. For most it creates a euphoria that relieves forms of emotional and physical discomfort or pain. While most don’t develop the extreme dysfunctional behaviors that many other drugs can illicit, one can become dependent on this drug and severe problems can result from it. When using this drug, one needs to do so responsibly. This is next to impossible for an immature mind of your age without excellent guides and role models assisting you. Don’t be fooled into thinking this mind altering substance is harmless; neither do I want you to fall into the sensationalized view of the media that demonizes marijuana.

Meth is also sensationalized in that if you try it just once, you will be hooked. You’ll peel your face off. You’ll sell your body to anyone for piddly amounts of money. You’ll live in squander and beat your grandma half to death to steal her latest Social Security check. While this can and certainley does happen, it is not the norm. What is often shown in the media is not necessarily a realistic representation of the truly serious nature of this drug.

Prescription drugs are now in the spotlight. Meth is still in the spotlight, but it is being overshadowed by ‘scripts. Before that it was crack. Before that it was cocaine. Before that it was ecstasy. Before that it was heroin. Before that…. In ten years, some other drug will have its face in the spotlight. Just because it is ‘new’, does not mean it is any worse than its predecessors. When I was a kid, we had prescription drugs, but at the time crack was the one that was getting most of the attention. That’s the media for ya.

Some people that have used meth had little problem stopping their use of that particular drug, yet they can’t seem to stop their use of alcohol. Some hunger for the highly addictive, street drug heroin while others prefer the warm embrace of the also highly addictive, prescription drug clonazepam. Drugs are weird like that. Don’t expect typical results if you decide to use drugs.

Be aware of shock ads. The emotional impact those 30-second commercials have will wilt in the most modest peer pressure. The commercials are fun to watch, but don’t rely on them too much to make healthy decisions.

Drug use is an awesome responsibility much like driving. At least with driving, we study for the written test and practice for the driving test. If we pass, the idea is we have at least the minimal skills to drive safely. Drugs do not have that. We are not taught to use most drugs responsibly; we are taught to completely avoid most drugs, which teaches nothing and is an unrealistic expectation. Then if we are caught with illegal drugs, education is often avoided and negative consequences such as severe jail time are often decreed with abandon.

If you decide to use drugs and think you will be OK, you will be OK- until you take that first hit/drink, then it all changes. The smallest amount will alter your mind and you will no longer be your true self and you very well may not be able to make that responsible, cognizant decision to keep yourself and others safe. After that first hit/drink, you are literally a different person. Who knows what will happen? You may be fine. You may use often, and still manage to hold a low-end job. You may be willing to sell your soul after your first drink/hit. Or in a short amount of time you may be longing for a quick death.

Drugs themselves are not inherently bad; the kicker for many is the addiction part. What is addiction? There are three things that are usually present in addiction: 1) The drug. If you do not introduce the drug in the first place, no addiction occurs. While this is the ideal situation, this is, sadly, not the most realistic expectation. 2) Genetic predisposition. Without the gene you can do all the drugs you want, quit, and never look back. 3) Emotional dysfunction. This is not absolutely necessary to have. You only need 1 and 2 to make an addict, but emotional dysfunction is such a strong, common factor, that it makes an almost absolute factor when determining who is at risk for becoming an addict. Without emotional health, one is almost doomed to failure. For most people in recovery the hardest part of getting clean is dealing with the emotional dysfunction.

You have a poor home life. You have a history of drug abuse in your family. Another big indicator of drug use is not having your father in your life. You are at high risk, so be aware of that when making decisions about drug use.

Should you start becoming addicted, you won’t know it until it is too late. Addiction will sneak up on you without you having any kind of clue. You will rationalize and make excuses until you are so deluded that you can’t see what you are doing. Then should you finally see what is happening, you won’t understand it because your thoughts will have become so convoluted that they will lack almost any kind of sense.

A woman I met who was twenty-years-old at the time had acquired two MIP’s (Minor in Possession) and as a result, was sentenced to treatment. According to her, after her treatment her counselors said she had a small problem and to keep an eye out in case her drug use got bad; yet when she drives and gets puking drunk, she will stop the car, puke out the door, and drive off. She says she isn’t that drunk.

She didn’t start off that bad; the drug’s manipulation started off with tiny, almost invisible lies and over time those lies morphed into that unconcealed, deluded behavior. This type of behavior is not unusual for addicts. I promise you that you will be deluded to some extent when using drugs AND you will not know that you are being deluded until it is too late.

Below is another example of someone who did a pretty good job of rationalizing his behavior:

A high school friend moved out of town after we graduated. Several years later he came back for a visit. The subject of weed came up, and he said that he spent $400 per month on it. (Twenty years ago, that was one heck of a lot of pot to be smoking!) He spent so much money on it that he couldn’t afford a car. We all began telling him how crazy and how stupid he was. He said, “Whoa, whoa. Wait up now.” He went on to explain how he made enough to pay for it. He lived 5 blocks away from work so he didn’t need a car. He wasn’t hurting anyone, except maybe himself and that some people engaged in high-risk activities. He made a good, sound argument. He certainly wasn’t growing as a person and was idly smoking his life away, but that was his choice. Not everyone is as much of a go-getter as Donald Trump.

He died of a heart attack at the age of thirty. I wonder if his sedentary lifestyle had the biggest influence on his shortened life, or if it was a genetic predisposition towards heart disease, or if he maybe got into using other drugs. I can’t help but think that his drug-based lifestyle significantly influenced his early death.

You don’t have to use that excessively for drugs to be a problem. I know a number of people who drink after work and on the weekends, and still show up for work sober and do a respectable a job. But their life is filled mostly with drinking and working. Parent-teacher conferences are rarely attended. House repairs are repeatedly delayed. Health is ignored. Hobbies are, well, drinking becomes the hobby. Should you start using drugs habitually, you will notice that you can’t do drugs and other activities at the same time, at least not effectively. You can’t be drunk and raise your kids. You can’t be tweaking out on meth and still be able to drive safely. You can’t looped on heroin and still train dogs. Even the most mundane tasks such as washing dishes will become more challenging. You have to choose one or the other; you cannot have both.

The most effective technique for healthy drug use is a positive role model; unfortunately, most kids do not have a proper role model. Most kids are not independently able to make healthy decisions. I hope you have some kind of positive role model to help you make positive adult decisions regarding drug use.

Drugs are awesome at escaping reality; in that respect, they excel! If you want to get away from it all, don’t go on vacation, don’t run away, use drugs. Unfortunately, you can avoid reality only for so long. When reality decides to come for a visit, you won’t get a letter. You won’t get a phone call. You won’t even get a polite knock on the door. Likely, reality tear the door off the hinges, give you the biggest bear hug you’ve ever had in your life, and say, “Honey, I’m home! I’ve missed you! Let’s catch up on old times. Whatchya say?”

As a society, we encourage escapism. We want to take the easy way out and be lazy despite the negative consequences. Our society does a lot to fuel the dysfunction that fuels addiction.

You are a 16-year-old girl dealing with all of this pretty much on your own. Not fair, is it? Well, that is reality for you. I had to go it alone. When I decided to stop drinking at 16-years-old, my friends ostracized me. Yes, they almost completely ignored me. Outside of school they would not look at me. They would not talk to me. I was treated as a pariah for a short period of time. They eventually started talking to me, but I was still largely unwelcome at parties, which was the primary social event we attended. To keep busy and have fun I took to activities that required only myself such as reading, playing with the dog, gopher hunting, etc. You will face similar reactions from your “friends”, too, and while that is amazingly hard to deal with, it is not the end of the world.

Fortunately, addiction is losing its negative stereotype. One isn’t viewed so much as a lazy, good-for-nothing partier who doesn’t care to exercise even the smallest amount of willpower to make healthy decisions. Instead of the focus being on negative consequences, positive consequences are being implemented. Instead of the focus being on symptomatic solutions, the focus is going toward core issues, and, therefore, long-term, real solutions. Addiction is being viewed more and more for what it is: A disease.

I want to make one point completely and abundantly clear: USING DRUGS IS A CHOICE. Yes, I said that drug use is a disease, but it all starts and ends with choices. We are NOT utterly helpless when we are in the throes of addiction. Pretty darn close, but not completely so. Should we get into the throes of addiction, we have to make choices and those choices will be painful. We have the choice to educate ourselves. We have the choice to look for help. We have the choice to keep trying. We have the choice to surround ourselves with healthy, loving people. Even in the deepest, out-of-control depths of addiction, one is still able to make tiny decisions, decisions that lead the way to making healthier choices.

Should you develop an addiction, you likely will not be able to develop long-term sobriety on your own. You would need help.

Help is there for you if you CHOOSE to accept it. Please, Hon, if drugs get the better of you, ask for help. And remember, don’t focus on stopping the bad stuff, focus on the good stuff you can do. Instead of focusing on not drinking, focus on a healthier activity to replace the harmful one. Instead of becoming a loner by getting rid of your loser friends, replace those old friends with more stable, healthier friends. (Good luck with that!)

Of course, there is always your dad!

Love You Oodles and Gobs,
Dad :)